By: Emma Shandy Anway
Last week while I was in Target with my kids, my oldest son saw the endless amount of heart decor that has been set out and said with delight, “we are in a love store!”
Welcome to February!
The delicious chocolate and cute decor aside, this month offers us many blatant reminders about the importance of pausing and appreciating the relationships in our lives.
While mainstream culture tends to focus February on romantic love, I’d like to take a moment to widen the lens, because it’s not just romantic relationships that deserve attention. Strong, healthy connections in every area of life, from friendships to family bonds, are key to our overall well-being.
But how do we actually keep our relationships healthy? Because as fun as Valentine’s day is, buying a gift once a year in February is not exactly the answer. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to maintaining relationships, there’s been enough research done in the field of relational psychology to give us a clear picture of what helps maintain a good level of health.
Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and relationship expert states that some of the key components of a healthy relationship include a felt sense of trust and safety, clear and respectful communication, and the ability to repair when conflict or harm occurs.
Another area to lean into is cultivating what couples therapists John and Julie Gottman have termed “a culture of appreciation”. Practicing mindful awareness and gratitude for the big and small things the people in your life do, and communicating that appreciation to them.
Healthy relationships don’t just happen—they are cultivated with effort and intention (and maybe a little chocolate from Target). I invite you to use this month to extend love, care and attentiveness to all the connections that enrich your lives. As Perel reminds us, “The quality of our relationships ultimately shapes the quality of our lives.”
This month:
- Prioritize Quality Time: Make an effort to spend screen-free, intentional time with your nearest and dearest.
- Repair and Reconnect: Consider if you have a relationship in your life that could benefit from an apology and reach out. Conflict is inevitable, but repairing the rupture is what strengthens the relationship.
- Practice Gratitude: Small expressions of gratitude can have a big impact. Take your bestie out for lunch, sneak a little love note in your kiddo’s lunch, or drop cookies on your neighbor’s doorstep.